the end of the year was about to come, I wanted to stay longer here in Marbel because of the exciting and invigorating experiences i have observed since December sarted.
this year is a bit tiring yet enjoyable year!getting to know bette other guys in my major really gives me a better perception about life.
people who suffered and mourned a lot during their past,will earn a lot of blessings in their future.
this idea was from the two of my great friends, one had really big prob with guys she had fallen for and the other had big prob with her family.
this year, I have fallen for a friend, i don't knoew if i'm close to his heart as a friend but to me his very close. at first it was only a plain crush on him but it really proved that proximity results to intimacy...grrrrrr.... he caused me a lot of insomniaic nights and blank-thoughts during daytime.everytime his with other girls i feel a stinging pinch inside me, its venomous and it spreads all over me, turning myself into a stiff statue!!! I hate this feeling and i totally hate the situation but i like him and i still like those girls he is sometimes with! it would be a great hipocrisy to deny this feeling before him and before the whole 3rd year english-majors of NDMU. the thought of "how would i get over this feeling" during the past months clouded my mind. and it really bites, the reality that he does not even like and would never like a single part of me is in the air. i tried to tell it frankly to him but he refused to give something back except the friendship that we have built up during the days we have gone through. another thing that is softly killing me are the people i know, are the friends that i have and are the dear classmates of mine who also like him! darn it!. I don't want to see their faces near him but what can i do?, they are everywhere he goes they are everywhere he went they are all over his life here in college. I don't own him, and i have nohing to tell to those guys ,who are like his shadow, to go away from him! it hurts but it's the reality. it stings but it's the truth. it kills me but this defines me. this situation defines them and this situation defines everyone of us. who are these everyone anyway? i don't want to mention names because i value their feelings and i respect their personhood. I wished to have a better space in his heart and not just a plain friend but this was an old tale to tell and does not prove to be true this day. I just wanted us to stay friends because i have seen someone he likes much and i can sense someone he really deserves. someone he can pair-up and could really be satisfied with! i realized that because we are always ogether and we are always with each other's company that i have fallen head-over-heels for him. but there is this another friend who is always with my company and always hear my problem who i am falling for but there is this something that hinders the feeling to grow and I don't know what it is! maybe it's because i don't want to kill another self of me anymore. i don't want another venom to spread on me and turn me intio a stiff statue. i don't want these things to happen again because this other friend has his dear girlfriend.
this year is about to end but i know for myself that these heartaches are also about to end. I know i know i know because i don't want to say i wish i wish i wish.
i believe with all the reality in my being that it is their loss not mine!
Guys merry christmas and advance happy new year ...
don't give yourself a lot of stress!
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